Has anyone ever gone to Realitor.com looking for a zombie proof house? I bet we all have. Hey, the best planning starts with the same thing all the realtors say. Location, location, location. If your house is already zombie proof, how far do you need to run? That’s right, you can sit on your fat ass while your friends run to your house. Make sure they get the beer on the way.
But Realitor.com has practically a billion properties on it. Who has that kind of time? Well it looks like it’s your lucky day. Realtors are marketing geniuses and those that help those geniuses decided to put together a list of properties that are on the market that are likely to stand the test of the zombie apocalypse.
Now they picked some obvious places that people would like to spend the end of days at. Islands for one thing. Anyone who has read Max Brook’s Zombie survival guide will know however that just because you’re out at sea, doesn’t mean you are safe. Maybe safer, but zombies don’t need to breath, so if they find a way to float to you, you’re out of luck. Plus the fact that you’re on an island and have nowhere to run makes things bad for you.
Now they got a better idea when they picked this moat based home you see below. Problem is that the zombies can just walk under water to you. Unless that moat is super deep and the edges of the property that touch the water are sheer faced, then there is little worry of them climbing out of the moat to get to you. You can just take the walkway to the front door out, and a secluded fortress you have. On the plus side, if you do get in the shit with the zeds, you could always have a back up boat prepared to take you to main land, so that is why I would choose this over a secluded island any day.
But out of all the properties, there are really only a few I would consider safest against the zombie hoards. Most of the castles rank high on the list. I mean really, they were designed to keep invaders out, so if they do a good job at that, some mindless zeds won’t be a problem. And I have narrowed down the list even further and will share with you my top 2 picks.
First is this Nuclear Missile Silo in Saranac NY. Normally I would not suggest going underground, but this is my one exception to the rule. I like this because on the outside, it looks like nothing special. A nice house maybe, but they are only seeing the icing on the cake. Leave the upstairs abandoned looking. Board up the windows and doors, and retreat to the bunker below. If you hide the entrance well enough, even if a zombie does come snooping, they would never find how to get to you. And even if they did, they would have to get past your entry door. And let’s say they get passed that. Escape into the silo with a entrance door made of three inch concrete and mesh. And you always have the escape hatch above the silo as a second escape rout in case anything went wrong.
And my top pick would have to be Hogwarts Castle. I’m not joking. This is actually located in Alcona Michigan. What I love about this place is not only is it large enough for you a small army (542 bathrooms), but it’s defensible (a castle duh) and up on rocks that would be impossible for a zombie to climb. Plan your defensive strategies right, and you could never have to leave this place. Room enough for gardening for crops (inside the building or in the courtyard, your choice) and plenty of opportunities to section off portions of the castle in case of a zombie breach.
Take a look at the rest of the listings at www.realtor.com and let me know what home you would choose to make your last stand.
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Till Fate brings our Future…