Posts Tagged ‘Zombie Pepper Spray’
2 items.
If you are relatively new to the blog, you have probably seen me gush about a lot of zombie stuff. I like most things zombies. I don’t really mind that everyone and their mother is trying to use zombies to make a buck. If I did I would be a hypocrite. Now I don’t make any money doing the blogs for this site (sigh…), but we are trying to sell zombie comic books here.
But those who are not new to this site and have read my blog a few times (thank you!) know that I hate it when people sell “zombie” products and do a really piss pore job of it. Not the sales themselves, but they put out such a cheesy product, it makes you want to take the marketers and punch them right in the baby makers. I have ranted about one such product before. Now I’m going to rant about another one.
It might look familiar. I featured it in Wednesday’s blog. Take a look.
This peace of crap is made by Sabre. {1}
Zombie pepper spray. Are you F*&(ing kidding me? How desperate do you have to be to make zombie pepper spray? Not only is the marketing idea dumb, but it could put people in grave danger (ok… pun intended). The zombie craze and weapons are nothing new. Zombie swords, zombie guns, zombie bullets, even zombie bow and arrows and crossbows all make sense. But pepper spray?
What is pepper spray going to do to a zombie? You can’t make a zombie cry. This is part of what makes them scary. Impale them on a pike, cut off an arm, shoot a cannon ball through their chest, that’s not going to stop them. They will find a way to continue to crawl, swivel, or scootch their way to your tasty, tasty brains. You think pepper spray is going to stop them? Make them cry and beg you to stop? I think not.
According to my sources (read Wikipedia and www.yourgreatestprotection.com) pepper spray works because of a chemical called oleoresin capsicum which is derived from peppers, like chili peppers. When the solution is sprayed into the face of an attacker the common reaction you will get (beside oww my GD face!) will be almost immediate closing of the eyes. Coughing and runny noses are common side effects as well. Pepper spray will even work on individuals that feel no pain because the solution is an inflammatory agent, so it irritates the mucus membranes in the skin, eyes, and upper respiratory regions. So even a zombie that does not suffer from pain will be affected by it.
The problem is the effects won’t stop the zombie. Zombies do not need to breath, they do not need to see, and they are unable to cry. The sad thing is, you won’t even piss it off because it can’t feel pain! It’s going to keep coming at you like nothing is wrong and just have spicy brains. You’ll be doing it a favor by improving your flavor!
Now someone may argue that by not being able to see or smell, a zombie would not be able to find you if you run. But it can still hear. For pepper spray to work properly, you must be within 8 to 20 feet of the intended target (closer and you’ll get yourself with the spray and that’s just counterproductive.) This spray canister looks like it probably won’t get that 20 foot mark, so I’m guessing somewhere between 8 and 10 feet is your effective range for this weapon. In that time it takes you to ready the canister and fire an effective dose of the pepper spray, you could have shot it in the head with a bullet, prepared an ax to swing, or even I don’t know, ran away? Besides, if the spray doesn’t work (and it won’t) then the zombie will be that much closer to you before you realize you’ve been wasting time.
If they make pepper spray a weapon in Call of Duty, I'm going to start a riot. {2}
Now keep in mind, I’m not discussing the effectiveness of the pepper spray itself. Regular humans and wild animals will probably be effected normally The website for the spray boasts about it being easy to use and convenient to carry. Would I carry some with me for protection in an apocalypse? You bet your ass I would! Save a bullet, spray the bear in the face instead. Because if the first bullet doesn’t kill it, you’ve just pissed of an angry Yogi. Better yet, spray the bear in the face, then unload a clip in it’s skull. Then you have taken care of the threat, plus you have tasty bear meat to feed your survivor group as well as a warm coat to protect you in the winter.
But when it comes to a zombie, I’m going to stick with my 9mm thank you very much. You want to advertise this as apocalypse spray? Fine. Just leave zombies out of it. By misleading your customers into thinking this will stop the undead, you are doing a disservice to your customers as they will become helpless victims instead of powerful zombie slayers. You would do better with a stun gun to be honest. Then at least the electricity you send through the body may fry the brain of the zombie with any luck (and tweaking of the safety mechanisms).
What weapon would you like to learn about next? Send me an email at penguinprince@grimcrew.com or again, leave a comment below. You can also follow Dead Future on Facebook and Google +. You can also follow me on Twitter and Google +.
Till Fate brings our Future…
Penguin Prince
Image Sources:
{1} http://www.sabrered.com/servlet/the-261/Zombie-Pepper-Spray/Detail
{2} http://blog.koldcast.tv/2010/koldcast-news/5-surefire-signs-that-youre-a-zombie/
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Zombie news last week was a little slow. Limping one might say. It moaned for some life. Unless you want to talk about the UFC fight with the Korean Zombie, which comprised a majority of the news articles related to zombies, there wasn’t much to talk about. Sure there was the few zombie walks, or races that are usually held some place in the world, but there were very few articles that stood out as true news about zombies. I was however able to pick four articles that stood out among the crowd and I hope you enjoy what I’ve found. And for those who were wondering, yes the Korean Zombie was victorious.
A dangerous drug is out there. It makes real life zombies. And it seems like every super power in the world has had their hand at experimentation with the drug. From Nazis to the CIA, the secrets of this drug have been tested as a truth serum, as a tool of coercion, and undoubtedly as a tool of death. Scopolamine is a drug that is derived from plants that is similar in consistency and appearance as cocaine, but the effects are dramatically different. It leaves it’s victims fully alert and coherent, but extremely susceptible to suggestion. I could go on to tell you the dangers of this drug, but I think that the 35 minute video that was made by VICE does a much better job at explaining what it does, where it comes from and how dangerous it is than I ever could. See our Original Source for more information and the video that will give you another reason to cover your drinks, and wear a gas mask. Original Source: www.gizmodo.com.au
This leads us loosely to our second story. If the zombies are coming from Columbia as our previous story may suggest, British Columbia is going to be prepared eh? Many government organizations have been using zombies as a push for emergency preparedness, don’t ‘cha know? But the Canadians have to beat the Americans at something besides curling and ice hockey. Therefore, the campaign put out by BC is a little more, aggressive. Tweets were sent out about a zombie outbreak. The tweets went to blogs reporting survivor stories of the outbreaks. We are talking War of the Worlds hysteria here. Well it could have been if those gosh darn too nice Canadians hadn’t had disclaimers saying that the attacks weren’t real in the blogs. Just when I thought Canada was going to get a little bit more fun. I’m poking fun here, but in all seriousness I hope their campaign was successful in spreading the word of emergency preparedness and was fun for those that were involved. Original Source: www.theglobeandmail.com
You go you bad ass Canadians! {1}
Those of you who read the blog on a regular basis will know about my weapon blogs I try to have regularly. I usually try once a month to report on a specific gun, and a non conventional weapon you could use during an emergency (i.e., a chair, an iron poker, a frying pan, a lawn mower). Well one weapon I may expound more on is a new can of mace that is being advertised as a zombie deterrent. Although I do think it’s a great idea to carry a small can of mace to use against wild animals, or hostile human foes, do not, I repeat DO NOT use mace on a zombie. It’s a waste.
Mace can cause the eye lids to swell as your attacker tears up. It can cause nerves in the mouth, throat, nose and eyes to be hyper sensitive and is a good distracter… to someone who feels pain. As zombies will not react to pain stimuli it is pointless to waste your time spraying them with mace. The mace may still temporarily blind, disorient, or kill the zombies sense of smell (if it indeed uses vision and smell). But a blind zombie can still stumble into you and bite off your fingers (thus rendering you unable to spray more mace). And as he will not react to the burning sensation he may just think your brain has some extra zing to it to make it all that more tasty. See the source for more information on how this ridiculous pepper spray is being advertised and just know to say no to bad zombie gimmicks. Besides, have you ever seen a crying zombie? Original Source: www.chron.com
That being said, you may want to still consider getting mace for protection against someone like the admitted carjacker in this next story. After a drunken debate over the popular tv show The Walking Dead, a 22 year old man in Novi Michigan reportedly woke up and stole a car from a local dealership. The reason? He was scared about the zombie apocalypse.
Before you go laughing at the guy think about it. You have been drinking all evening with your friends talking about a realistic zombie show. The conversation turns to what you would do during the zombie apocalypse. At some point you pass out. The last thing on your mind is the zombies are coming. You wake up. No one’s there. The zombie apocalypse is still fresh on your brain. So are the booze. You get out on the abandoned streets (it’s the middle of the night). Everything’s dark. No restaurants are open, no signs lit up, and your still a bit hammered. You assume the worse. The zombies ate your neighbors and friends. You go into survival mode. You look for food and realize your car is an old beater and will never survive the zombies. So the logical thing to do would be to get a better car.
This is what that guy thought he looked like jacking that car. Unfortunately, with breaking through that glass door, it's probably an accurate description.{2}
Now in a real zombie apocalypse situation I for one wouldn’t think twice about jacking up the local Ford dealership to get me a sturdy, road ready, zombie splattering machine. Neither did this guy. Unfortunately for him, there was no apocalypse. He was just smashed. Like that glass door he took out on his way to escape the dealership. So now he will have to think about the consequences to his actions behind bars. And this people is why alcohol and zombies do not mix. Original Source: plymouth-mi.patch.com
That’s all for the zombie news of the week. Don’t forget that if you find a zombie current event you would like to share, email me at penguinprince@grimcrew.com. You can also follow Dead Future on Facebook and Google +. You can also follow me on Twitter and Google +.
Till Fate brings our Future…
Penguin Prince.
Image Sources:
{1} http://dontgetbit.wordpress.com/2011/07/08/canadian-zombie-hunter-cleared-for-killing-a-human/
