Warning! Parts of this blog post may be NSFW!
So my local rock radio station 98 Rock Baltimore (WYY 97.9) held a recent contest sponsored by Gunness to find out what was The Coolest Thing Ever. They picked 64 cool things and set them up against each other bracket style. Listeners would text in their votes for what should win in each match up. For instance, Internet Porn vs. Muscle Cars, Deep Frying vs. the Big O (no I’m not referring to the anime or the website), and Submarines vs. Explosions. Lets break down the brackets shall we?
This doesn't really need a caption.
This sounded like a lot of fun in the first place; however I got really excited when I found out that Zombies make the top 64. The first round was littered with a lot of upsets (following suite for this year’s March Madness). Somehow Farts beat out Threesomes, and Sluts beat Ninjas (ok that one is only surprising to nerds). The Remote Control topped the Flame Thrower, Christmas whooped up on Football, and Power Tools dominated Boobs. But let’s get to what’s important, Zombies faced down Tailgating. The Zed heads come up big in this one showing those tailgaters what snacking is really all about.
Second round we see more epic match ups Beer vs. Shark Attacks (winner Shark Attacks), and Farts vs. Fighter Jets (I still don’t know how Farts won this one). Tanks take out Baltimore Ravin’s Linebacker Ray Lewis, and I know what your thinking… how does he even get up there for Coolest Thing Ever? It’s Baltimore people, football is everything to them, well football and crab cakes. In a bracket that made our Deadministrator cry a little on the inside, Bacon beat out Wolfs. And who did our Zombies dismantle in this round? Lightning. Zombies beat lightning. Zombies are really cool, but to beat lightning? That’s pretty amazing.
Getting down to the Sweet Sixteen. In this bracket we see Tanks finally take out Bacon. Again I don’t know how, I’m more of a “Make bacon not war” guy myself. Next to Zombies, Bacon is the coolest thing ever in my book, but I digress. Duck Tape raps up its match against Gravy, and we see that Thongs/Lingerie take down America. Don’t get me wrong, America is great, but we are taking coolness here, not greatness. Big difference. Fireworks beat Burning Stuff in a close victory, and Day Drinking over powers Explosions. I don’t know what drunkards we have here in the Baltimore area, but seriously? Rock Concerts made Chicken Wings finally fly the coop. And what do we have here? Our dead heads beating out the Remote Control. I’m as lazy as the next guy when it comes to my Sunday afternoon football, but Remote Control had it coming.
In the Great Eight we see Shark Attacks take a bite into Thongs, those Day Drinking fools stumble their way past fireworks, Tanks run over Duck Tape, and Zombies overpower Rock Concerts. The results for the Final Four had Shark Attacks take on Day Drinking, and Tanks vs. Zombies. Those sharks finally send the drinkers back to the bars and we see yet again the zombies take over the tanks. That leaves Shark Attacks vs. Zombies for the Finals.
That's how we represent!
Some of our local zombie enthusiasts really wanted their pick to win here. Listening to the radio that morning I found out that Zombies were voted for in the finals over 7,000 times. Whether you agree with the brackets or not, one thing is sure, our fellow Zombie fans came through for us to make Zombies the Coolest Thing Ever.
For anyone interested the images for today’s blog were taken from the 98 Online website at www.98online.com. Also check out their website for other cool rock related stuff and to see the creation of the brackets. Some of it is hilarious.
Now to you naysayers who don’t think that Zombies deserve to be at the top, let me give you my top reasons Zombies totally deserved this honor.
- Zombies are timeless horror creatures that spans many different cultures, believes, time periods. Almost all cultures have a zombie type of creature in their legends.
- People have always sought ways of preventing death, and the zombie creature is our warning not to be too ambitious to reach that goal, a classic fairytale with a scary message.
- They are relentless at achieving their goals. Even if you separate the head from the body, the head may still try to bite you. They will never give up until those brains decorate your walls.
- Without Zombies we would not have great movies like Dawn of the Dead, Night of the Living Dead, and Zombieland.
- Zombies give us something else to focus on besides those damn sparkly overplayed bloodsuckers that were wussafied by the Twilight series.
- Everyone dreams of being a hero, zombies are just flawed enough to make that happen if they ever exist.
- Zombies don’t exist, but they could in the future. See my previous posts about this.
- They spice up any story, if they put zombies in Twilight, those movies may have even been watchable.
- Three words for you… “The Walking Dead”
- Two more words for you “Dead Future”
So there you have it folks. Let the celebrations begin and I’ll catch you guys later, oh, and don’t forget to enter our Running in the Lap of Luxury Contest by April 30th to win your copies of the compete Dead Future series.
Till Fate Brings our Future,
Penguin Prince
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