Archive for August 20th, 2012
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Even if you don’t watch wrestling we have all seen a tables, ladders, and chairs match. At one point or another you have been flipping through the TV channels and maybe just caught a glimpse of some dude in spandex cold cocking another dude in even less spandex with a ladder. In those shows, highly trained professionals are performing stunts. The ladders may still hurt, but rest assured that they are aluminum ladders of the lightest weight making it easier to carry, or toss around.
In the real world most people who have a ladder for household use will use a ladder like this. You don’t need anything heavy duty to get yourself into the attic or to change a light bulb. In fact most people probably don’t own a ladder at all. At most maybe a stepstool. But let’s just say theoretically you had to use one of those ladders to defend your life, from zombies.
In one of my favorite stories in the Dead Future Anthology, The Game, our hero of the comic uses a ladder to fend off some zombies on a roof. After everyone else has used the ladder to get across to the other building, the hero decides that he’s not going to make it across anyway. So he picks up the ladder and swings it around. Finally he uses it as a barrier between him and the zombies to ram into a group of them, hoping to knock them off the side of the building maybe.
I’m going to say this wasn’t a bad idea as a last resort. But I feel he did have time to get to the next building, and then by removing the ladder he would have been safe for a while longer. So let’s explore some of the ways you could use a ladder as a melee weapon/tool for survival.
First as a tool for survival. One of the easiest ways to protect yourself from zombies is to get to higher ground. Zombies can’t climb (at least not the Romero or Max Brooks zombie). So one way of setting up a defensive position in a house is to take out the stairs, and just use a ladder to get to the 2nd story. As the zombies reach the ladder, you can knock it down, and all of a sudden you are safe. You can also use a ladder to span gaps. Like between two buildings. If you do this make sure the ladder is stable and secure before attempting to climb over it. Once your party is safely on the other side, pick it up and use it to get across to the next house.
For a weapon this painter’s ladder is probably not the best choice. It’s got too many bells and whistles to be able to easily swing it around.
Ladders are also great because they can be used for a variety of other things. Make shift battering rams if you need to bust down a door or window, a make shift shelf for storing things, a car rack if you can bolt it on top of a car, or a make shift plow when tied to the front of a truck. That’s right if utilized with a little creativity, your simple ladder can be multifunctional for you and a great tool for survival. I would not however carry it around if I was going on foot however as it is big, bulky, and can get heavy after carried for a while.
But in the urban life, that ladder will come in handy, and just as much so if you need to stop a few zombies. To turn this tool into a weapon would be easy as long as you have the strength to wield it. Now we are not talking skull crushing weapon. At best this should be used as a diversionary tactic. Knock a few down and keep on running. So let’s look at some methods of doing that.
First method I like to call The Ram. Because it’s preformed exactly the way one would use a hand held battering ram. Hold the ladder by a few of its rungs pointing the top step towards the zombies. Next either by holding the ladder to your side, or over your head, thrust it at the zombies. You’re aiming for the gut, or the head in order for this to be effective. If you’re strong enough and the ladder is heavy enough, you may be able to crack a skull, or at least by aiming high on the body you may knock the zombie backwards. If you’re aiming for the gut, you’re trying to bend the zombie over so that he has to reorient himself to continue the chase, and he would become an obstacle for the zombies immediately behind him. Regardless if they can feel pain or not, by gut checking him his natural reaction will be to bend at the waist and fall down. This method should only be used on a few zombies. I would say no more than 2-3 at most. You won’t be able to react quick enough to take out more than that, plus swinging that ladder around would tire you out.
This ladder is better, but the ideal ladder would be one that’s light, locks in place, and has circular rungs which will make it easier to pick up.
My next method should only be done in a wide open space and if multiple zombies are coming at you from different sides. I call this one the Whorl Wind. Hold the ladder by the 2 middle rungs perpendicular to the floor. Next tuck your arms into your sides and hold the ladder directly against your chest or stomach. Then as the zombies come towards you, spin in place while still holding the ladder against you. If you time it right, you may be able to knock all of the zombies off their feet. Next drop the ladder and run like hell. Even thought the zombies should be on the ground, they will still be close. You don’t want them grabbing you by the legs and tripping you up. Again this should be done with only a few zombies as you need to be able to have enough momentum to hit all the zombies attacking in one go. Also even if you knock over a bunch of zeds, there are now a bunch of zeds grabbing at your legs. Have fun with that.
Another effective method would be the Cloths Liner. Hold the ladder as described for the Whorl Wind. This time you want all the zombies to be on the same side as you. Next you’re going to run at the zombies holding the ladder between you and them. This method is good when you have a wide group coming at you. That being said, it’s the stupidest one I’ve mentioned. You’re running the wrong direction, directly at the zombies. With nothing but the ladder between you and them, you’re going to get grabbed, scratched and maybe even bitten. This should only be used if you are going to sacrifice yourself for the rest of the group. Hey, at least they can no longer call you selfish right?
Instead of dying, I would prefer the last method. With the ladder collapsed wedge it between two walls in a hall way. This will act as a barrier between you and the zombies, if only for a little while. Some may still sneak through underneath, and it won’t hold them off forever. Hopefully though it will be just enough for you to get to safety, or at least your gun stash. It can only be used in a hallway that’s narrow enough so the halls of your high school will probably not do. Also if the hallway is too narrow, you’ll leave a larger gap for the zombies to get underneath. The more horizontal you can lodge the ladder, the safer you will be.
There your have it folks, the ladder as a zombie weapon. Not the most effective weapon, but the uses of a good ladder can make it worth keeping one around the house. Just be sure to use it safely.
Do you have any other suggestions on how a ladder can be used as a weapon against the undead? Be sure to post below! If you have any ideas for future melee weapon blogs you can email me at penguinprince@grimcrew.com. You can also follow Dead Future on Facebook and Google +. You can also follow me on Twitter and Google +.
Till Fate brings our Future…
Penguin Prince
Image Sources
All images were found on the Home Depot Web Site.
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